On writing straight with crooked lines (continued)
But then there occurred in my life one of those events which can only be called a personal confrontation with Christ. I think it was in the year 1923, on a Friday night in Lent. Father Mahoney had appointed me to be one of the servers for the Stations of the Cross that night. Bill Lonsdale and I, were there on time. Father Mahoney told us that there would be a short sermon and the Stations of the Cross. When we went into the sacristy, it was evident that Father Mahoney was quite "exercised" as he was at times, because there were so few people in church. He told us he was not going to bother to preach, but we would just have the Stations of the Cross. As we moved from Station to Station, Father Mahoney was manifesting deeper concern.
When we filed back into the sacristy after the Stations he told us that he was going to preach just the same, and to go out and sit on the acolytes' chairs. We sat there quietly, and Father Mahoney began to preach. He was always a good preacher, but that night he was moved by the Holy Spirit. As I write these lines I could not for the life of me tell anyone what it was that he said that night. But what he said changed the rest of my life. I knew in my heart of hearts that what he said that night was said ONLY TO ME. It was a personal experience of the POWER of the Word of God. I knew that the Lord Jesus Christ was talking to me that night, and telling me to make up my mind, and to stop resisting his invitation to come and follow Him. If I wanted to become a Passionist, I HAD to make my decision that night. This was IT!
It is over 50 years since I heard with utter finality that call of Christ. But I still can relive the whole experience in my mind's eye, and in my heart. I am as certain of this as I am of my own identity, that if I did not make my response to God THAT NIGHT, He might never speak to me with that invitation, again.
When I got home that night, before I went to bed, I knelt down and asked God again to make me a Passionist, although I did not really know what that meant. And then, without telling my dear mother, or anyone else in the family, I wrote to Father Mark Cotter, and asked to be admitted to the Passionist Family. Now, 50 years later, I thank God with all my heart for having called me to be a Passionist.
I asked admission to a Family of men, whose lifestyle was based on the inspiration of St. Paul of the Cross, a spirit of solitude, penance, poverty and prayer, a union of the active and contemplative life. Even in today's changing Church, if I had it to do all over again, I would ask God in His Mercy to give me the grace to do it again.
I went first to our Minor Seminary of Holy Cross College, in Dunkirk, N.Y. I was there for four years, until in 1928, I went to our Novitiate of Our Mother of Sorrows in West Springfield, Mass., where I was invested in the Passionist habit, a habit first shown to St. Paul of the Cross in vision, in 1720, when the Mother of Christ appeared, wearing it.
On the 15th of August, a year later, in the presence of my dear mother and sisters, my brother John and his wife, Mary, Father Mahoney, the Misses Molly and Lou Welch, and other friends from Saco, I professed my first vows as a Passionist, which bound me for three years, to be renewed for life at the end of that time. I was very proud on that day, that I was able to wear over my heart, the emblem of the Passionists, to follow the full Rule of the Passionists, to rise for the Divine Office, at one o'clock in the morning.
I then went to Scranton, Pa., to begin the austere life of a Passionist seminarian. Four years later I went to Union City, N.J., for studies in Theology. It was in Union City, NJ., that I was ordained to the Holy Priesthood in 1936.
On Sunday, May 31, 1936, I stood at last in the sanctuary of that little church in Saco, as a Priest of God, to offer my First Holy Mass. As I stood there I looked back over the years, to all of the memories of that church. I thought of the preaching of Father Mark Cotter on the Passion of Jesus Christ; I thought of that Lenten talk by Father Mahoney, which had touched the depths of my soul, in that sanctuary, years before.
So often I have reflected on the old Portuguese proverb, "God always writes straight with crooked lines." God had planned my life, and it was being lived according to His plan. Years before, in Berwick, when God had taken my father from us, it seemed senseless and cruel. We needed him so much. But I know now that if God had not taken him, we would never have made that move to Saco, where I first met the Passionists. A far as I know, the only Passionist who has visited Berwick over the years, has been myself on rare occasions. Had God not taken my father, we might still be living there, and I would not be a Passionist Priest today.
After I had completed the special year of training in preaching, which we Passionists then took, I received an incredible appointment, one never given to a Passionist before that time. I was appointed to become the salaried Choirmaster and Organist, at our Passionist Parish of the Immaculate Conception in Jamaica, N.Y. There, like any parish organist I had to train the choir, play for all the Masses, the weddings, and funerals, and all other choral needs of a growing parish.
After a year of this work I was sent to Rome for graduate studies in Theology and Sacred Scripture. I attended the Collegio Angelico, (now St. Thomas University), and the Pontifical Biblical Institute, both in Rome. There I was privileged to study under two great professors, Father Reginal Garrigou Lagrange, O.P., and Father Augustine Bea, S.J., who later became world-renowned as the great Cardinal Bea.
I was in Rome for the funeral of Pope Pius XI, and was in the Piazza when the thin trickle of white smoke announced to the world the election of Pius XII. I was present at his coronation. I witnessed several beatifications and canonizations during those years. I was in Germany for a brief period of study when World War II broke out, and I had to join the thousands of other refugees, returning to the United States.
All these years I never forgot my original desire to be a missionary and to preach the Passion of Christ. But it seemed that my desire was never to be fulfilled. I was to teach. Not preach! But "God always writes straight with crooked lines."
I was appointed, for a time, as Chaplain for our cloistered Passionist Nuns, in Scranton, where I also preached retreats for laywomen. Then I was transferred to our monastery in Baltimore, Maryland, for some years where I was a very busy missionary. I received many appointments to preach mission and retreat in the State of West Virginia, where I preached often in English and Italian. After years of waiting I was finally preaching the Passion of Christ, for which I had prayed many years.
A few years later I was informed by phone from the Provincial office, that I was to wind up my preaching career. I had been appointed to teach our newly ordained priests, "Sacred Eloquence," or the art of planning, writing and preaching sermons. I was to be moved from the mission platform to the classroom. While I was teaching Sacred Eloquence, I began to work with tape recorders, so that the young men could listen to themselves, and be better able to correct themselves.
In Lent of 1954, a local radio station official in Holyoke, Mass., heard one of the tapes I had made up with some practice sermons, and one of the choir rehearsals I directed, with better than average music. The station manager phoned to me at the monastery to ask if I could make tapes available for broadcast on the air that Lent. With the permission of Bishop Christopher Weldon, of Springfield, Mass., and of my own Passionist Provincial, I agreed, and soon found myself producing a weekly radio program, which I titled, "The Hour of the Crucified," (but now called "CROSSROADS"). In a short time some other radio stations asked for the program, and not too much later the Pentagon phoned me from Washington to request the program for the Armed Forces Radio Network. We were then worldwide.
“God IS always writing straight with crooked lines." I had become none of the things I had dreamed of being. With no training in the field whatever, I had become a radio producer, and soon thereafter, at the request of a Springfield television Station, a television producer, also. Because of my activity in the field, I was then elected Vice President of the Catholic Broadcasters' Association. Bishop Weldon then asked me to become the Diocesan Director of Radio and Television for the Springfield Diocese. At that time I was the first religious priest to be appointed the Diocesan Director of Radio and Television. The associations between the Passionists, and the Bishop and Diocese of Springfield were most cordial and cooperative in every way.
At the time of the Silver Jubilee of my priestly ordination by means of the gifts which I received, I was able to erect our own building for the radio and television apostolate, in West Springfield. At that time it was the first such building erected any place in the world for a Religious Order for the Radio-Television Apostolate, though shortly after that time the Franciscans erected their fine building in Los Angeles.
At the opening of the First Session of the Second Vatican Council, I was invited to attend the Council to do radio and television interviews there. I was privileged to attend some of the historic sessions, and to interview many Cardinals and Bishops, and other Council Fathers, as well as some of the Catholic, non-Catholic, and Jewish Observers, and also Periti, at the Council. The audio-tapes, for radio, and the films, for television, were mailed back to our Radio-Television Studios in West Springfield, where they were mass-processed for use on radio and television in many parts of the world.
When I returned to the United States, after my stay at the Council, it was evident that I was in serious difficulty with my heart. I was hospitalized for a long time with a serious case of bacterial endocarditis. It seemed that I could not possibly survive. I know not what science may say about it, but in my mind and heart I am certain that I am alive today only because of the magnificent charity of one of our wonderful old Brothers. It was only after his death that I learned about this from a priest who had been his spiritual director. When I was so sick it seemed I could not live, he went to the Rector of the monastery, and asked if he would be permitted to offer his life for me. The Rector assured him that it was between God and himself. He protested that he was then 97 years of age, and that his life was over, but he thought that I might still have some work I could do for God. With the help of his spiritual director he wrote out an offering. He went to the monastery chapel and knelt before the Blessed Sacrament, and asked God to take his life, and to spare mine.
While I was still in the hospital, this magnificent old man, Brother Valentine Rausch, was brought into the same hospital, a few doors down the corridor from my room. A few days later the doctors told me that they thought they had isolated the specific bacteria causing the endocarditis, and had found the right antibiotic. I began to improve, and a few days later Brother Valentine went home to God. I believe before God that I owe my life to Brother Valentine Rausch.
After I returned to the monastery I was advised to undergo open-heart surgery. I had this done at the Mass. General Hospital, in Boston. After I had survived the heart surgery, both my doctors and my superiors decided that I was not able to continue the direction of the radio and television apostolate, because of the serious pressures and tensions. Once again, I realized that God is always writing straight with crooked lines, so I came here to Our Lady of Florida Monastery and Retreat House in North Palm Beach, Florida.
Since I have no thought of retiring, as long as I am breathing, I was permitted to help in the work of the week-end retreats here. I preach the week-end retreats the year round here. I also help with some of the priests retreats, and help some of the Bishops and Cardinals, who come here for private retreats. I was privileged to assist Bishop O'Leary, Auxiliary Bishop of Portland, when he carne here for his ordination retreat, before the episcopal ordination. Cardinal Krol of Philadelphia, has remained a friend of mine for more than 38 years when we were in Rome together as young priests. His Eminence comes here a few times a year, for rest, prayer, and recreation.
I am still doing some radio work. I produced a short radio program each week on a radio station in West Palm Beach, which is also carried on five other radio stations.
I look back over the years to Berwick and to Saco, and I think it couldn't have happened. It never could have happened if God were not always writing straight with crooked lines. On that night in Lent when Father Mahoney gave the talk he had decided NOT to give, and when, during it, God spoke to my heart. I never dreamed of all that was going to happen; that I would one day preach the Passion in St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York, (as I did, one Good Friday); that I would study in Rome, be present at the funeral of one Pope, the coronation of another, have audiences with two Popes, be present at an Ecumenical Council of the Church, have my voice heard around the world, on radio. All of this has been the work of God, and I am conscious only that I have often injected much of self into it all, and spoiled some of the perfection of His plans.
This is probably the only time in my life that I can write what is almost my obituary, and I would like to end this story, by thanking God with all my heart for the wonderful gift of my vocation, as a Passionist. And I would like to tell any potential candidates for the Passionist Way of Life, follow Christ in a wonderful vocation, as a member of the Passionist Family, a wonderful family of men, both priests and brothers where each help each other in the work of LIVING the Passion of Jesus, and in proclaiming it to a world which needs the saving power of the cross of Jesus Christ.
May the Passion of Our Lord Jesus Christ be ever in our hearts!
—Father Fidelis Rice, C.P.
More on Fr. Fidelis:
Photo as Choir Director
"Five Seconds to Air"
Biographical Summary
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